We need to talk

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Note: I first posted this article during the lead-up to the 2020 U.S. presidential election. But with another election season heating up, I’d like to run it again with just a couple of small updates, because it still reflects my feelings about the polarization ripping apart our society. If anything, the situation has gotten worse.

Sometimes I want to stick my fingers in my ears and yell “SHUT UP!” over and over at the top of my lungs until the madness stops.

One cannot turn on the news, sign in to a social media account or even go out in public without getting a daily dose of the name-calling, accusations, counter-accusations, demonizing of opponents and overall nastiness that characterize our society’s Culture Wars:

You know who’s causing all the problems in this country, don’t you? … It’s those racist, misogynistic Rethuglican deplorables who want to impose their narrow version of morality on the rest of us. …  Those whining Dumbocrat crybabies and snowflakes who want safe spaces and free stuff. … Those naïve socialists who would destroy businesses and bankrupt the government with their outrageous demands. … Those greedy capitalists who stuff their pockets while robbing honest hard-working people of their retirement funds. … Those lazy welfare recipients with their infuriating sense of entitlement. … Those wealthy elites who have too much already and want more, more, more. … Those incompetent teachers who staff our lousy public schools. … Those illegal immigrants stealing our jobs. … Those SUV drivers contributing to global warming. … Those environmental wackos who want us to give up eating hamburgers. … Those obese gluttons who gorge on fudge rounds and drive up health care costs. … Those fat-shamers who encourage eating disorders with their unattainable standards of attractiveness. … Those feminazis destroying the family. … Those cisgender, heterosexual white men who refuse to acknowledge their privilege. … Those people who own guns. … Those people who want to take away our guns. … Those fundamentalist Christians, those radical Muslims, those godless atheists, those New-Age navel gazers … Those self-centered Boomers running up the national debt with no regard for how their decisions will affect future generations. … Those teenagers who watch too much TV, play too many video games, listen to music with depraved lyrics, do drugs, drop out of school, get pregnant and join gangs. … Of course, none of this would be happening if it weren’t for those helicopter parents who fail to teach their hopelessly coddled trophy kids personal responsibility!!!

Whew! Have we left anyone out?

Here in the U.S., one could see news commentators practically salivating as they proclaimed the 2016 demolition derby of a presidential campaign to be the ugliest mudfest in history. The venom showed no signs of abating during a 2020 campaign season that began with an impeachment trial and ended with the January 6 horror show. Many people I know say the 2024 election is filling them with dread, because they fear there will be violence no matter who wins.

For too long now, we have come to regard name-calling and character assassination as normal for election campaigns. But the gutter brawling isn’t limited to political candidates. On the cable news networks, guests routinely talk over each other and shout each other down while debating the latest hot-button issues. “Flaming” and “trolling” have become popular sports in the anonymous comments sections that follow some news articles and blog posts. 

We have Climate Wars — those who believe climate change is caused by human behavior versus those who believe the former are perpetrating an elaborate hoax. We have Health Care Wars — those who wish to preserve the private insurance system versus those who want government-funded Medicare for All. We have Class Wars — the 99 percent versus the 1 percent. We have Education Wars — ferocious debates over issues such as what books and subjects are suitable for students, merit pay for teachers and private-school vouchers. We have Mommy Wars — mothers scrutinizing and judging other mothers’ decisions on everything from working outside the home to letting one’s toddler use a pacifier. 

This seething anger has seeped into the public square and manifests itself as an epidemic of rudeness. Many people I encounter in my everyday life seem more cranky and defensive than they used to be, and some seem to be spoiling for a fight. A car with a middle-aged driver sports a bumper sticker that tells us what we can eat if we don’t like the owner’s driving. We have Road Rage (shouting, cursing and flinging obscene gestures at other drivers), Airport Rage (yelling at ticket agents or flight attendants and starting fistfights on flights), Sidewalk Rage (reacting violently because people in front of us are walking too slowly), Parking Lot Rage (engaging in an angry standoff with another driver over a parking space) and Starbucks Rage (working oneself into a ballistic frenzy over the color and design of a coffee cup).

Sadly, those of us who identify as Christians are in no position to judge secular society when it comes to polarization. We often stand justifiably accused of stirring the pot ourselves — and not in a good way. Several denominations have split down the middle over hot-button social issues. Progressive and conservative Christians regularly skewer each other on Web sites such as Patheos. And we have our Worship Wars (which transcend denominational boundaries) — Christians locked in an unyielding struggle over whether a congregation’s music and worship style should be traditional or contemporary. 

As I’ve paid closer attention to the steady drumbeat of vitriol that makes up the background noise of our daily lives, I find myself thinking, “No wonder we’ve become a nation of people with clenched teeth and balled up fists.”

It would be bad enough if the tide of anger and disrespect — both in our churches and our larger society — served only to put people in a surly, antisocial mood. Unfortunately, the damage doesn’t end there. Our finger-pointing epidemic leads to everything from Congressional gridlock to violence against individuals who belong to maligned groups. While we bicker incessantly, our real problems go unaddressed — raging war in various global hotspots creates millions of refugees; thousands of children worldwide die each day of starvation and/or totally preventable diseases; nearly a third of all children in the U.S. live in poverty. 

On a personal level, the constant conflict leaves me wanting to grab a good book and a flashlight and dive under the bed with my cat. Apparently, I’m not alone. Hidden Tribes (link HERE), a report on public opinion by the organization More in Common, says as many as 67 percent of Americans belong to a group the authors have dubbed “the Exhausted Majority.” Although members of this group have many political and ideological differences, they share fatigue with the current state of U.S. politics and a feeling of being forgotten in political debates. The relentless back-and-forth arguments have rendered many folks just plain fed up and wondering if the U.S. can move beyond division, according to the report.

Matthew 5:13-16 urges Christians to be “the salt of the earth” and “the light of the world.” I suspect this precludes my hiding under the bed with my little yellow cat until the world stops fighting. But I suspect it also means I must aim to avoid being part of the problem. Because the vitriol on all sides is so widespread and so relentless and so damaging, we must look for ways to create more light and less heat. As Christians, I believe we should do no less.

Questions for readers: How has our society’s polarization impacted you personally? Your family and friends? Our larger community? Our churches? Which problems do you see going unaddressed while we rip each other apart? What do you think is behind all the divisiveness and how do we turn down the heat? How do Christians avoid becoming part of the problem? 

I’d love to hear your responses to these questions, as well as your comments on the article itself. Just hit “Leave a Reply” below. When responding, please keep in mind the guidelines I’ve outlined on my Rules of Engagement page (link HERE).

34 thoughts on “We need to talk”

  1. A blast from the past: Did the prophecy come true?

    A Prophetic Prediction About The Presidential Election
    Posted on September 26, 2016 by Agent X

    Tonight our presidential candidates square off in debate, and it promises to be the highest rated TV show of the year! It seems there is a LOT of interest.

    I don’t think I am alone in saying that I really do not like either of the candidates. Neither of them represent my concerns very well, and one of them in particular almost frightens me as a potential president, while the other I find distasteful and worrying. I am not endorsing either one!

    In fact, it seems likely that most of the American voters will be voting against a candidate rather than endorsing and championing one over the other.

    And so… HERE IS MY PROPHETIC PREDICTION:

    I predict that after election day, half (or more) of the people of our nation are going to be very upset with the results. In fact, about half will be very worried and angry with them. And within that astounding number of fearful, angry people, many will be my friends, neighbors, colleagues, and family (even my church family). And a lot of them are going to express their dissatisfaction, anger, and fears in both respectful and inappropriate ways that cause offense to me and to their fellow countrymen.

    Yes. That is my prediction.

    And as a prophet who goes to the place of shame, pain, and despair in my community TO BEAR THE IMAGE OF GOD THERE, I think it is appropriate now to begin praying openly for our national leadership – EVEN IF I DON’T WANT THEM AS MY LEADERS!

    I am telling you, O blog-O-sphere, about this now in hopes that some of you will join me in doing that. There is a lot of work in this place of shame, pain, and despair to be done. Only the Image of God can touch this massive wound with healing. May the God who uses even pagan kings like Darius as his servant be appealed to for guiding our nation with the leaders we are about to elect!

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  3. Virtually all the people in my church use a messaging app to communicate with one another; there are several different chat groups, and each one has at least one admin. One thing the leadership has made clear, thankfully, is that no posting of political opinions will be tolerated; admins have occasionally had to delete posts.

    When it comes to communicating with people outside the church as well as inside, we need to be reasoned and willing to listen. Much of what I hear is yelling, including name-calling, during which no one is listening to anyone. For the most part, I just don’t communicate anything explicitly political except with my wife and kids; as it turns out, again thankfully, we are largely on the same page.

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    • Our congregation is pretty “purple” in terms of personal political leanings – we range across the spectrum from pretty conservative to independent to pretty liberal – and we do not as a congregation take stands on political candidates. Our individual members sometimes express political opinions to each other, but in our groups we’ve made it clear that everyone must remain respectful. No name-calling, character assassination and so forth. So far, people are pretty much honoring the respect part,.

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  4. Excellent post! Truthfully, I’ve come to the point where I don’t care if the human race goes extinct. Jesus told us his kingdom is not of this world. It’s not just happening in America but around the world. Inevitably, this kind of tension leads to war and destruction. I just keep praying to God and putting my faith in him.

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  5. Bless you dear Debi. When I wrote my reply, I wanted to let you know then what an amazingly gifted writer I think you are and that your kind, caring and loving heart is evident in your words, but I had to wait until now.

    I have been very much like you in my thinking not realizing I was wanting to “heal Babylon,” which the Bible says cannot be healed. It has only been in my later years that I have realized that a government ruled by the PEOPLE for the people is NOT a government ruled by God. Yes, America initially was because its first leaders were GODLY people. A democracy can only work as long as its people are moral, and the majority of people in our country today are not. Conversion is God’s means in making us righteous: Lawsno matter how good, have the power to do this. It seems that many Christians who are fighting to change laws do not know this.

    The Book of Revelation plainly tells us that Babylon (both spiritual and political Babylon) is going to be destroyed, and that THEN, our King, the Lord Jesus Christ will have full reign. … It shall only be after great REPENTANCE takes place, which is something the modern/worldly church does not preach today. Its gospel is a watered down word with no power to save. The Bible teaches that ONLY the “living” word preached, believed and put into practice can save us.

    The United States and all the governments in the world are in for a shaking which I saw in a vision last night in which God in heaven took His scepter extending it down to the earth realm striking the earth hard with it three times. Oh what a great shaking and trembling took place like never before, as the number symbolizes “completion.” It’s going to get extremely rough Debi, and many Christians are deceived, like the Jews once were who did not know the plan of God. They put their hope in that which was not true, and it’s the same today.

    Jesus said that His house is a house of prayer and it’s recorded that Anna saw the salvation of the Lord because she dwelled in that house praying day and night…. John the Baptist dwelled in the wilderness, showing that he was not involved in trying to do something to change the condition of society in his day. He preached “repentance” and he saw Jesus who said that there was no greater prophet than John the Baptist. Whew! What a word to think about! I pray that God will give all of us the spirit of revelation that we will see where we’ve been amiss in our thinking, and ALL of us have been because His ways and thoughts are different than ours until they are changed.

    May you know that I love and treasure you very much, Debi.

    ❤️Your sister in Christ

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  6. Oh dear Debi,

    The Lord says that His thoughts and His ways aren’t like ours, and it seems we’ve had to learn the hard way not to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I’ve spent most of my life thinking my judgments were “right.” Hah! If I lived in the days when King David ruled, I and most other people would have judged him as an evil man. We’re called to know no man after the flesh, and I might add … ”no situation” either, and I’ve gotten myself into great trouble because of having done this. Finally, at almost 82 years of age, I want to know only Jesus and Him crucified.

    We are not citizens of this world, dear one. God says that IF my people will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways, I will heal their land. That’s HIS remedy. Yay, God will raise up righteous leaders if we will do this.

    He told us (ALL His people, not just special ones who are in church ministry) to preach the gospel, heal the sick, raise the dead and cast out demons, but how many of us are obeying this call? If we would do what the Word of God says and especially if we would love one another AND our enemies, we would turn the world upside down, but sadly we are involved in the things of this world instead. How long will it take before we realize that we can not change the world OR ourselves by laws no matter how good they are. The Bible says that the strength of sin is the law.

    Solomon, who was the wisest man on earth in his day and did many “good” things, said that everything was vanity and vexation of spirit. The people in Jesus’ day expected Him to deliver them from the oppression of the Roman government, but His Father’s business was NOT that.
    The question is: Do Christians know what their Father’s business is?

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  8. I really don’t understand the “both sides” arguments.

    One side wants to fix the nations infrastructure problems, treat people at the border with respect and dignity, lower drug costs and health care costs for all people and help the Ukrainians defend themselves from Russian aggression.

    The other side is supporting a man who encouraged and allowed his staff to orchestrate and execute a scheme to install fake electors to basically attempt a coup, kept top secret documents as souvenirs, refused to give them up and had them seized by force. He also has his lawyers at the Supreme Court claiming that Presidents should have king-like powers and immunity from all laws. I won’t even mention the personal stuff he was engaged in and the literal selling off of US foreign influence to the highest bidder.

    So, yeah. It’s both sides.

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    • My two cents here: While “both-sides-ism” can often be a legitimate complaint, especially with many journalists who want to appear “fair and balanced,” I also think the accusation gets overused. For example, I think it’s perfectly fair to point out that both the Right and the Left suffer from their fair share of hypocrisy and double standards. I hear the Right screaming about “cancel culture,” but then doing plenty of “cancelling” themselves. (Just ask Liz Cheney or any other Republican who’s tried to hold a certain presidential candidate accountable for his behavior.) It’s not “whataboutism” to point this out. I hear the Left rightfully criticizing Trump’s attitudes and behavior toward women, but I also remember how they looked the other way when Bill Clinton did similarly deplorable things. Again, it’s not “whataboutism” or false equivalence to point this out. And yes, I do believe both sides have participated in some pretty disgusting behavior – especially name-calling – when it comes to the Culture Wars. There’s a saying about people who live in glass houses …

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      • But it’s a matter of perspective. Clinton, for example, was guilty of having an affair with an intern. He abused his power. But Trump was adjudicated to have committed rape. Beyond the statute of limitations so it was a civil case, and called something else, but it was rape. These two things are not equivalent, even though they are both bad. And Dems support of Clinton was not great, but had the affair not been consensual I don’t think we would have been as quick to defend it. I am still looking for the other side of the coin when it comes to refusing to step down and putting in motion the mechanism that would have led to a coup, and then arguing in the Supreme Court that he should have immunity if he had sent Seal Team 6 out to kill his political rivals. We have sent teen aged boys over seas to fight and die to preserve a system that explicitly ended such an arrangement. Our country was founded on the idea that a political leader is not above the law and can be held accountable for breaking them. There isn’t another side of the coin regarding that as far as I know.

        Thanks for engaging me on this, and I hope I don’t wear out my welcome. 🙂

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      • But the thing is, Clinton was also accused of rape, not to mention numerous cases of sexual harassment. Both Trump and Clinton were accused of rape, both were also accused of sexual harassment by literally dozens of women, and both had consensual affairs. So in my mind, when it comes to their treatment of women, the two cases are much more equivalent than either the Dems or Republicans want to admit. When it comes to the insurrection, I would agree with you that there has been no equivalency there with any prior president of any party. Even Nixon agreed to resign when confronted with his crimes. For the record, I could not stand either Trump or Clinton.

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  13. Love your reference to “Rethuglican deplorables” and “description crybabies”‼️ What excellent descriptors of our broken political system. It is sad that this “city on a hill” will soon be a second or even third world nation. But Father is still on His throne and will work out all history to His glorious purpose.❤️&🙏, c.a.

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    • “Broken political system” is definitely an apt descriptor. I mean, while I was watching the fight between Rep. Marjory Taylor Green and Rep. Jasmine Crockett this part week on endless replay, I kept thinking, “Someone needs to put them both in time out.”

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  14. You wrote what needs to be brought to our attention. Yes, I was guilty of many harsh statements and feelings in the past, but have honestly tried to re-think my feelings – and words. A lot of the time, whatever is being said about one side can actually apply as easily to the opposite side! So, I try to stay calm and pray more. Thanks, Debi. And, thank you for mending fences.

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    • Oh yes, I agree totally that whatever is being said about one side can actually apply as easily to the opposite side. In fact, most of the time. I finally pretty much completely stopped posting political stuff on Facebook because I was tired of FB friends who didn’t even know each other insulting each other whenever I posted something. And my own posts were often a bit too provocative, once I was able to admit it. Now I find I really don’t have to block anyone, because I’m not saying anything myself to provoke them. And thank you as well for mending fences. Relationships really can be repaired.

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  15. This is spot on! I find that I am in complete agreement with you, here. Which doesn’t surprise me, I might add, having read many of your posts. I’m definitely part of that exhausted bunch, and am totally down for hiding under the covers with a book and a cat. Except that I need a place to put my coffee or tea.

    Thank you for these poignant, wise words. I wish more people would read them and heed them.

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  16. I find most politicians do a lot of mud slinging and make big promises they have no intention of fulfilling.

    When I ask them to sign a contract that they will fulfill their commitments to the public not one of them whether it be federal, provincial or local will sign it.

    What does that say.

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